


Alter the Ending

by katydidmischief (cassiejamie)



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-23
Updated: 2011-07-23
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiejamie/pseuds/katydidmischief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He needs to be strong for Charles who isn't right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alter the Ending

_. i know that yesterday is gone and it won't come back to me ._

Flashes of pain, oh pain, are his life now, they dictate his minutes, his days. Steal his life in little blips, make the narcotics Hank gives Erik to give to him all the more necessary.

(They make it worse, the drugs, because they steal his clarity and it's a struggle to maintain his mind.)

Charles gives up - (his life, his love, his hopes, his dreams) – eventually. There really wasn't any other option, he thinks; what's a life spent under the rolling haze of drugs and agony and thoughts of what could have been?

He finds Erik's gun.

 _Oh, my love, not so clever,_ he thinks.

He finds Erik's gun and -

 _. there'll be twists and turns, they're pulling us and tearing to the seams ._

Erik doesn't know what to do anymore. He's there and he's not; there's the school and the war and then there's Charles.

Wonderful, sweet Charles (is gone) who loves him, who forgave him.

Erik forces back the tears: he can't be weak, he can never be weak. Not in these times, but more certainly, he needs to be strong for Charles who isn't right now.

 _He will be, he will,_ he thinks.

(He rounds the corner, walking along the hall with his leather coat heavy on his shoulders. The day has been long and bloody; he needs Charles tonight, to hold on to him and remember why the fight is being fought.)

There's a noise, unmistakeable.

For a moment, Erik is still, heart thudding into his ribs in a way they haven't in so very long (since mama and the nazis and _move the coin_ ) and he swallows around the lump in his throat.

Not possible.

No.

(He's running now. He doesn't realize it.)

Raven yells something – something – and he almost hears her, but his blood is in his ears now and his mind is on one person and one alone and he can't breathe and oh, god...

Charles...

 _. take it as a sign we can still go on ._

"...is alive," Hank says, standing beside Charles bed.

Their infirmary (they have an infirmary for fucks sake and Erik hates it because it should never have been needed – it was built for Charles) is silver and glass and it's blindingly bright right now, while Hank shows them x-rays and pictures.

As he explains the damage Charles has wrought unto himself: missed his heart (thank G-d), tore up his left lung, snapped a rib as it'd bounced (fucking **bounced** , how can they do that?!) off the bone and came to a stop behind his right lung. Hank manages – Erik's sure of this – to not say what they're all thinking, that Charles could have, should have, been dead.

It is inevitable that he will wake and Erik intends to be at his side.

He begins sleeping in the infirmary-he-hates, on a cot-he-tolerates, and tries to keep all the bitter-angry-thoughts from the forefront of his mind. No need to upset Charles before he opens those dull blue eyes (on a Tuesday, a nothing day) and then he can shake his love until Charles gets that -

death  
shuffling off this mortal coil  
suicide  
skiving off  
 _leaving him_

\- is not an option.

"I love you," he says instead. His voice is hard and he's leaning over Charles, trying to convey with his eyes every last ounce of fear-worry-love-hope-terror-missingyou that he's felt since this started. (He'd started it and he'd do anything to fix it for Charles because he isn't supposed to be the one to suffer.)

"Erik," Charles whispers back, his throat sore from the tube Hank had shoved down it, "Please," and he closes his eyes.

In his mind Erik feels Charles' desire – not the lust, but the craving for the end; he refuses. There is no force on this planet that can get him to overdose Charles, no. Never. Not happening. Nein.

Charles knows he will not win. He pulls back, weakly lifts a hand to brush his fingers against Erik's wrist, whispers again, "My love."

"Not yet, Charles, not yet. Please... Hold on a little longer."

(A mutant, one named Aramis, who can heal that which he touches. Erik just needs to find him.)

"I am so tired," Charles whimpers: his pain meds are wearing off.

"I know."

"I hurt."

Erik lets out a breath and holds on. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/3115.html?thread=2985515#t2985515) at [1stclass_kink](http://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/).


End file.
